Caveat- This is not a Medical Article. This is a spoof of a recent morning show, which emulated faux concern for your health by urging you to drink bottled water:
Alura Spinster: Good Morning, Organisms! Today we are trying to drink enough bottled water to stack our empties end-to-end to make a 20th round trip to the Moon, per year, every year, like 10 Moon roundtrips of plastic empties was too deficit. See how hydrated I look? I’ve already drunk three liters of economical water .
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: Hydration is so important for good health and here on the GMO show we clearly favor Nuklee and others who use Biphenyl A bottles. Buy grotesquely overpriced health-hazard water and hydrate… BPA – Biphenyl A or BPA is an estrogen-mimicking chemical that has been linked to a host of serious health problems including:
- Learning and behavioral problems
- Altered immune system function
- Early puberty in girls and fertility problems
- Decreased sperm count
- Prostate and breast cancer
- Diabetes and obesity
Alura Spinster: The faces you see above are those who consumed lots of water tainted with pesticides and possibly radionuclides. Here in America, water bottlers can chose anywhere in America they want to pump well water out of the ground. Of course, the least expensive towns (most industrially polluted/cold war radioactive, etc.) they can buy and takeover work the best.
George Acidophilus: The minerals in the wells can affect the flavor of the water greatly, the bottles we have here sure taste good.
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: I want everyone to notice how good Alura looks after a month of drinking three liters per day of water from American fallout wells.
George Acidophilus: Good water in Biphenyl A bottles must come from good soil. You have been brainwashed that Tap Water is not Perrier in a Green Bottle at a Disco Club in the 80’s. Tap water costs less, even the phrase tap water is purposely used by media as a euphemism for 'cheap, jaded and inferior'. But water in a colored bottle from a place like Rifle, Colorado is expensive, classy, and exotic and just screams breed with me. Your brain and the media believe plastic bottles with snowy mountain scenes are 'healthy' and you are told by both your brain (placebo effect from ad brainwashing) and your taste buds that bottled water "just tastes better"...
Alura Spinster: I’m really a man’s kind of woman, but when I see a woman drinking Honestly Good, Wholesome, Healthy, Pure plastic bottles filled with Real Wholesome Goodness hydration… …It makes me wonder what an experimental kiss in a coat closet would be like… But the water bottlers have more than glue and snowy mountain labels up their sleeve. Calgon! Some of them put a quarter or half-cup of Calgon bubble bath in every 10,000 gallons or so of "health water". The Calgon "softens" the water and makes it "taste better". Everyone knows how we women love bubble baths; the drinker-bottlers take it a step further and put the Calgon in the drinker bottles. Helpful hint to world-choking-on-plastic-bottler-profiteers: when it comes to "taste" in your ever so "helpful" uber-hydration quack-industry, absoluderly nothing tastes better than a tiny water bottle purposely tainted with Epsom Salts. Yum, that tastes good! Our special "trade secret", which we just whimsically decide is "safe" because we "only use a little" absoluderly great tasting Magnesium sulfate in our "healthy tasting" water. But remember how Sandra had a headache from her Midnight Martgarita? Too many plastic bottles of "Epson Salt-dosed" uhm health water could leave some loose-ends. Each "tasty" water bottler has a "secret recipe" that is worse than ignored by the US EPA and FDA; some others that came to the attention of this article are Fracking juice, nuclear fallout, military pollution, Iron sulfate and Calcium sulfate Witches Brew. Again acidifiers that "soften" US Southwest Waters (atom bombs fallout-area) aquifers. Many of these "healthful flavors are minerals you have in your body; but drinking three liters daily of water spiked with Epsom salts is unwise. The point is, the "pure healthy taste" is contrived and no indication of whether or not the water contains harmful bacterials cysts, traces of Radon or other chemical radiologicals, etc.
Each bottler mixes and matches minerals to adjust pH and to "add taste" to what is probably a flavorless "base" of predominantly tap water. But assumptions of "less lead than tap water" made by "taste" rather than an accurate lead test are what the bottlers and marketers want. But their bottling locations are almost exclusively secret; how many "health water bottlers" are downstream from Lead, Cadmium and Coal Mountaintop explosives mining? How many are groundwater (aquifer) downstream from Military HAZMAT dumps? The secrecy of the "health water" bottlers is a nasty omen for the plastic bottle addicts.
Spoof article aside, you are urged to use three search engines and research water pollution. Mix and match, use ixquick.com, yandex.com, seznam.cz, bing.com and search.lycos.se as your "Google".
Search for these terms, one at a time in 4-5 alternative search engines:
Nuclear Fallout Map
Atrazine water pollution map
Syngenta simazine pollution map
US pesticde pollution map
Fracking pollution map
global oil spills map
global pesticide map
Fukushima fallout map (ignore the Tsunami wave maps)
Caesium-137 dispersal map
Strontium-90 dispersal map
Dioxon pollution map
When you are done, ask yourself who is footing the bill for all the "healthy water" in the 10,000-20,000 year-lifespan bottles recycling and paying for "pollution filtering" to put 328 million American brainwashees on "bottled clean water". If the wells are poisoned and we are about to go from 328 million to 656 million Americans, are you brainwashed enough to think Nestle and PepsiCo will altruistically save you? There is not enough spare electricity to "clean" enough bottled water for 328 million Americans, much less 656 million persons. But go ahead and pay $5 for a three-second pacifier.
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: Ah, Alura, drink another liter bottle, it looks like the minerals and hydration have made you pre-pubescent young…
Alura Spinster: Pritchard, I feel so healthy from the three seconds it takes to drain hydration from a polyethylene terephthalate bottle that will take 10,000-20,000 years to completely photodegrade. The little plastic needles on the floor of the ocean that will be with us for 50,000 years killing fish, all from my little three second gulp – it makes me feel powerful, decadent and extremely on top of the socio-economic pecking order!
George Acidophilus: Kind of like Ariel in the Little Mermaid?
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: Coming full circle, buy Biphenyl A bottles of ego hubris water. Imagine a chain of empty bottles to the Moon and back 10 times every year, year after year. Now imagine that many bottles disintegrating in the ocean and buried in landfills. Now imagine that the same factory food farm companies that brought us GMO pesticide water pollution are the bottlers. The same people selling the myth of “clean” bottled water cause most of the planets water pollution and waste most of the wasted water.
George Acidophilus: When you pay 280,000 times the cost of tap water it has to be better. These new EPA and FDA rules don’t apply to PepsiCo and Nestle, right?
Gratis, Chargeless, Recalcitrant Editor-Narrator: Nothing the GMO Show had to say the morning of 11-1-2013 had * any * socially redeeming value, as in pure, vile intellectual smut. The show has reviled itself down to the level of cheap beer for the meth addicted, or cheap meth for the alcoholic, or both.
Alura Spinster: Do you think 18 and 19 year olds are too young to e-smoke crack? One has sued the Pentagon because they made him stop puffing on an E-Crack Pipe on a troop transport headed for Kabul. What say you, Vestlevirgin?
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: Well, these young men are going to be in a high risk zone, doing routine patrols in the
CI..a..Taliban Opium farms, exposed to experimental vaccines, VID's, White Phosphorus, Ammonium Perchlorate, Dioxin, PCB's, Medical HAZMAT waste, Depleted Uranium, Plutonium - asking them to extinguish an E-Crack Pipe on what my be their last flight in this life seems rather harsh...
George Acidophilus: Dr. Pritchard, what about the plane's pilots, should they drink and extra liter or two of water to help detox the E-Crack out of the pilot's systems?
Dr. Pritchard: Good catch, George. Pilots need to be in tip top shape, and several extra liters of water from plastic bottles is exceptionally healthy. It's time to break to a Westinghouse and a PepsiCo advertisement, drink bottled water during our break and we'll be right back.
Gratis, Chargeless, Recalcitrant Editor-Narrator: Alura Spinster is rummaging through a huge Louis Vuitton bag, pulling out boxes of tissues, etc. Finally she pulls a newborn infant out.
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: Alura!
Alura Spinster: Ratings are God... (Looking straight at the audience/camera) ...everyone, it is time for feeding, I know a few will call the station, but this is perfectly natural.
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: I minored in infant nutrition at my place of empire indoctrination. Infants that are breast fed by their mothers are 167% higher in beneficial... Alura, is that a baby bottle? What kind of formulae is that?
Alura Spinster: The bottles fine. The formulae is the most expensive brand you can buy, it is a new kind of Soy Formulae made by SmartStax® Monsanto and Dow. I tried breast feeding for a week, then switched Oscar to Monsanto and Dow SmartStax® baby formulae. I want to get back to what age should soldiers be to smoke anything, like tobacco? It is such a health risk...
George Acidophilus: Our Coterie of Hyperactive Crack Smoking Intellectual Smutists have just received a tweet asking why you are trashing no ad revenue to your employers Big Tobacco and feeding your son a bottle full of Agent Orange SmartStax® Soy Formulae? Why are you defending factory food tap water bottlers who predominantly use the tap water they brainwash us to be afraid of? Most of them rely on pesticides for their factory food; has their water undergone expensive European-style reverse osmosis filtering to remove Uranium, Cobalt, etc.? Also, there is filtered water; then there is * filtered * expensive European-style reverse osmosis filtering to remove Uranium. Their labels simply say "natural".
Dr. Pritchard Vestlevirgin: What most of your audience does not understand is there are two kinds of water wells in America: expensive bottled water wells cheapskate lowbrow water wells of tap water for "them". Alura and her discerning aristocrat mothers even bath their children in high-grade, natural, odorless, colorless, all natural bottled water. But the bad Moms we kick out of the PTA use tap water on their children, possibly even losing custody for partially hydrating their kids with smelly, opaque, thick, viscous tap water.
George Acidophilus: Alura's bottled water regimen has so thoroughly detoxed her that she is just completely glowing. Alura's body is Petroleum and Fracking Chemical Free . Bottled water CEO genuises have Directors of Operations (DOPs) with Assistant Directors (AD's). Our Network Spoof Cotillion Experts were informed by bottled water DOP's AD's, that Alura and her children are nearly out of the range of numbers for Atrizine toxicity that causes ADD, ADHD, ADDD, Hyperactive Newscaster ADDDD, etc. If Alura keeps drinking
pesticide Uranium fracking bottled tap water, she could be fully detoxed after another $10,000 in bottles purchases...
Premature Wrinkles; a future where more and more Dow Monsanto Agent Orange is in well water. Big Bottler will save us from themselves with bottled well water that almost meets but never exceeds their factory farm food 'standards'... Purchasing bottled factory water is like trusting a bank after banks repossesed your house. Big Bottler in many cases is mass farm food pesticide and fertilizer water-killer companies with a "natural" water to compliment "all natural GMO food". Bottled water is classified as "packaged food" and has little oversight. The "quality" is a mythical ad space focus group buzzword.
Alura Spinster: The little thing in my ear says just talk about teen smoking. We are bleeding edge hydrating three liters of pure, clearless bottled water into a teenage Strawberry Bahooka Pipe...
IMHO, Euro-style Membrane Reverse Osmosis Filters that have pores smaller than Radium, Uranium, Strontium, etc. filtering your tap water are much more trustworthy. Test your water yourself or have it tested. But a paper label and glue stating "pure water, natural" is worth about 1/20th of one cent. Filtering domestic water with filters that remove Uranium and Lead is as guaranteed healthy as it probably gets, ordinarily. Outside the scope of this article, but natural disasters, sewage, pesticides and organic solvents and oils can pose water to toxic to treat. But for day to day ordinary, filtered tap water in a Nalgene bottle beat drinking some witches brew containing Calgon and who knows what else. This company and many others offer said filters:
Pulkvieza Brieza 6, Riga, LV-1010, LaSpoofia
Tel: +371 6 7281811
Fax: +371 6 7281812
e-mail: email@example.com; web-site
This company is not DOW. But the same companies putting the crud in the water often manufacture filter membrane to wholesale to filter manufacturers. GE puts Uranium in the water table and profits by the R.O. filters. I'm barely old enough to remember when "news people" told you that. Please research the filters carefully, you can purchase water test kits as well. Beware of those who push bottled water, sell filters and manufacture poison and farm factories. The three pasted faces are terrible to perceive; they are, in fact, Agent Orange faces. Food and water contamination via the US military.
Gaza Palestine & Israel - Massacres at Dier Yassin & Beit Hanoun American Assassination of Freedom - Secret Killing Secret Laws...
Dr. Rebecca Carley
- Hippocrates Systems, Holistic Health, VIDs (Vaccine Induced Illness) ...
Analyst Ratings: CNN, FoxNews, NBC, MSNBC, Huffington Post & Salon
Obama's Clean, Green 2013 Fukushima Plumegate Machine II Alternative News Site Map
Green, Fukushima Plumegate Machine Fukushima Cobalt-60
Fish, Still an Ann Coulter Recommend? Biofuel Energy
Criminality Fourth Estate
US/Israel Depleted Uranium WMD
You Die From Fukushima?
Feinstein's War On Free Press 'Law'
Appositional Catabolism 2013 – Kleptocratic Bill of Rights Syria’s Assad: Dead or Alive, Your Water’s Comin’ With Me There Is No New World Order The Federal Reserve is Privately owned
More Tracy Turner Articles All Hail To the Colonialist-in-Chiefs
Green, Fukushima Plumegate Machine Fukushima Cobalt-60
Fish, Still an Ann Coulter Recommend? Biofuel Energy
Criminality Fourth Estate
US/Israel Depleted Uranium WMD Will You Die From Fukushima? 'Senator' Dianne Feinstein's War On Free Press 'Law'